Coffee with Barbara Waxman
Barbara Waxman, MS, MPA, PCC
Leadership Coach, Longevity Expert, Gerontologist, Speaker, Author & Angel Investor
Age 60
London-San Francisco Zoom Coffee
Describe your career path in two or three sentences including any twists or turns and ending with where you are now.
When I was a child I would accompany my father, a physician, to nursing homes where he volunteered. I would roam the halls and visit with people. I loved it. I kept going back with him and then volunteered myself through high school and college. In my 20s I went to grad school and trained to be a gerontologist - someone with a specialisation in adult development
Later in my 40s, I became a coach - in fact, I was the first master's level gerontologist and certified coach in the United States. Around this time I started Odyssey Group Coaching. As the demographics shifted, people suddenly understood my skill sets, and everything took off.
Today at 60, my career is still evolving. In addition to executive and life coaching, I'm an adviser at the Stanford Center on Longevity and a faculty member at Chip Conley’s Modern Elder Academy. I’m the author of two books examining ageing and speak around the world on leadership and longevity.
And what decision or experience proved to be the most helpful to your career?
The catalyst to become a coach was the result of a deeply painful time in my life when my then 8-year-old daughter was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. For two years, I stopped everything and became what I think of as her navigator in the search of a cure.
When Western medicine could not help, I became an expert of sorts in alternative therapies and wellness. I’m glad to report today at the age of 31 my daughter is totally healthy and not reliant on any medication.
I don't think I would have become a coach without this experience - it helped to see the opportunity in coaching, a field that was just opening up at the time in the early 2000s.
Around this time, I volunteered on a leadership programme that attracted all these luminaries in leadership. It was a boon to my career - not only did I become one of their key faculty members, but I also ended up getting clients from all over the world and starting an international practice.
What did trusting your maternal instincts teach you professionally?
Women trust their instincts when it comes to their family but we find it harder to trust them in a professional environment. We need to change this. Learning to listen to our internal barometer is a superpower and foundational to our success.
So what advice would you give your 20-year-old self knowing what you know now?
First, I’d say don’t rush. You can have it all but not necessarily at the same time. There are so many hours in a day and so much energy in our reservoirs. Prioritising is key.
My second piece of advice is to learn what enables you to stay present so that you can actually participate in your life on a daily basis and listen deeply.
Years ago, when a number of people I admired asked if I would coach them, I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen until I had this experience with my daughter. Then I reflected and I thought, wait a minute, I've been a navigator. What was this coaching business people were talking about? So if I had been present, I probably would have gone into coaching much earlier.
The third thing I’d say is gap years aren’t just for kids. Learn to renew yourself and experience new things. I call it repotting.
And then finally, and maybe I should have started with this - never forget the importance of love - know how to love and know how to be loved and always make this the first priority.
How do you define success? And how has your idea of success changed over the years?
In the past couple of years I’ve had so many people reach out and ask me to help them redefine success. I think it’s definitely Covid related. They'll say to me - ‘I know, I look successful on the outside, but I'm just not feeling it’.
And I tell them that success is an inside job - it's not measured in dollars or pounds or Louis Vuitton bags. It's understanding what you care about. What brings you joy, and then designing a work and home life that enables you to live in that truth as much is possible.
For me, success includes little things like cultivating my garden and bigger things like knowing that my work has an impact. And it’s about essential things like spending time with those I care about and investing in activities that make me feel exuberant.
When you're feeling stuck, or uninspired, what action do you take or questions do you ask yourself?
If I'm stuck, I know I need to ‘un-do’. I need to do less things and create some space to question my assumptions and beliefs because maybe there’s also some unlearning to be done.
And then in the last five years, what new belief, behaviour or habit has most improved your working life?
My habit is to know when I need to “repot” - to lift my roots and take myself somewhere to replenish. Repotting helps me create space and the necessary energy to take risks and do bigger things.
As we get older, we can sometimes limit our idea of what is possible. Do you have any advice in terms of how to keep your mind open to possibilities and to think better about what is possible?
My advice is to detach yourself from a number - chronological age is no longer an indicator of what you can or can’t do.
I'm 60 and I have decades in front of me if I know how to cultivate my health span to match my lifespan. That's the work. That's what people need to focus on.
If you could put one quote or piece of advice on a big billboard for everyone over 50 or 60 year old to see what would it be?
The billboard would say “Live according to your life stage not your age”.
And that takes us to the last question - actually a recommendation for someone thinking about how to design their post-50 or post-60 work life?
I want to alert people to the Modern Elder Academy started by my friend Chip Conley which he calls the first midlife wisdom school.
The Academy has a series of programmes that I think of as repotting retreats, where people go and take a course for five days or a week and reset their age mindsets to live in Conley’s words “a life as deep as it is long”.
And, in my workshop, I help people create a Northstar for what's most important now.
There’s also an online programme making it a little more financially accessible plus you don't have to travel to be a part of it.
