Coffee with Avivah Wittenberg-Cox

Avivah Wittenberg-Cox
Thought Leader, Change Agent, New Grandmother!
Age: 60
London Zoom Coffee

Introduction

It was Avivah’s writing for Forbes that first caught my attention, specifically her articles about The 4 Phases of Women’s Careers.

Her writing felt so true to my life - the ambition I felt in my 20s and the belief that my career was on a non-stoppable trajectory to the top — only to a hit wall in my 30s and realise that once you step out, stepping back in is not easy or often practical.

I definitely felt impatient in my 40s, annoyed that I had been knocked off course but also determined to rebuild my career even if that meant starting again and building ground-up to create my own flexible work situation.

And finally, my 50s. I can’t say that I have found “self-actualisation” as Avivah predicts but I do feel encouraged by her idea that our 50s (60s, 70s and beyond) can be some of our peak career years.

And importantly that time is our friend, rather than our foe.

In two or three sentences briefly describe your career path and where you are now.

I was born in Canada, of European parents, and grew up in Toronto. I went to the University of Toronto before emigrating to Paris (my mother was French so I had a French passport). The plan was to stay for one year and instead I stayed 30!   

So my early adulthood took place in Paris, which is a good place to do the first half of adulthood - for all kinds of reasons. Particularly in terms of parenting, balancing, and modeling gender roles, femininity and female power.

Like the women in Africa or Latin countries, Frenchwomen in powerful jobs never adopted the masculine styles that you often see in Anglo-Saxon countries. They didn’t fit into the dominant corporate culture. They injected femininity instead. There is nothing contradictory between femininity and power – and French women, like Christine Lagarde, were real models for me.  

This is something I took out of that phase and part of the reason I founded the Global Professional Women's Network. And became an executive coach.

I spent a decade coaching and promoting women in leadership. Until I realised it really wasn’t the women who needed fixing. Since 2005, I’ve focused more on the leadership challenge of gender balance. That led me to work more on the male side of the organizational equation, helping leaders learn how to serenely and inclusively gender balance large organisations.

I travelled extensively for the last 15 years – at least pre-Covid - across more than 50 countries, working with a variety of big corporates, to increase balance: gender, nationality and increasingly generational balance.  

In terms of now, having just turned 60, I am increasingly interested in the challenge of aging societies and workplaces, on two levels. Working with individuals to think about their midlife transitions (with a program I offer called The Midlife Rethink), and with companies on how to manage a workplace with five generations working together without losing or under-investing in their older talent.

What decision or experience proved the most helpful to your post 50 career? Or it could include a failure that set you up for success later? 

I think the answer to both of those questions is having the courage at 50 to leave a long marriage. Getting your personal situation sorted gave me the foundations for the second half of life. I’m deeply grateful to my younger self for having taken that on.

What advice would you give your 20-year-old self knowing what you do now? Or what advice would you tell her to ignore?  

I always tell people to listen to lots of advice from lots of different sources - and then ignore it.

Especially women. Everything is changing all the time, so finding relevant role models remains a challenge for many women of my generation. I hope they will increase with every successive generation.  

The second thing I’d say is your life is likely to be much longer than you think.

So, I encourage people – especially women - to think about the first and second half of their lives as very distinct chapters. You can have it all, you just have to pace it across the whole expanse of our lengthening lives.  

In the last five years, what new belief,  behavior or habit has most improved your working life or your approach to creating your post 50 life? 

Learning to become more loving and more lovable as a conscious intention. My role model in this is my dog Daisy who excels at both! 

Where or to whom do you look for inspiration?  

I'm always on the hunt for inspiration. Mostly in books. And in writing online. When I see something of interest, as I did in your project, I reach out to the people behind the writing.  

Knowledge and ideas are all around and more accessible than it's ever been. And now with Zoom, particularly through this pandemic, it’s become incredibly exciting and energizing to be able to reach out to anybody, anywhere on the planet, and meet them. I do a lot of that.

When you're feeling stuck or uninspired, what actions do you take or questions do you ask yourself? 

I've learned the secret whenever I’m stuck is to stop trying. Stop, walk, meditate, bake bread, call a friend. Don't bother pushing if it’s not coming. Do something else, preferably physical. 

If you could put a quote or a piece of advice on a big billboard for everyone over 50 to see what would it be? 

I'd put a quote often attributed to Joseph Addison: “The three essentials to happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for”. 

And this is the final question. What book or podcast do you most recommend for someone thinking about how to become a mid-life “transitionalist”. 

Two in particular.  

Angeles Arrien  The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom and  Sara Lawrence Lightfoot The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50.

You can learn more about Avivah here.

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